It saddens me n gets me angry beyond reason to observe the disillusioned notion amongst a growing majority of Indian men about what it means to be a "man". The modern Indian man has somehow regressed back to being a selfish ape, one who puts his needs n desires first. He constantly has the "what's there in it for me" question running through his mind or a growing " I wanna eat all that appeals to my eye!" mentality. He wants to enjoy the benefits without the hassle of duties. He is born with a sense of claim unlike his sister who is constantly provided a second hand treatment and has somehow taught herself to bear it n be happy for her brother. This specimen of our Indian man magnanimously opens the car door for the lady on a date, pays her bill, ensures he doesn't use any cuss word in her presence, indulges her for the evening n knows well how to shower a string of compliments on her or how to sweet talk her. He is generous enough to not show offence in case she makes a comment that hurts his ego n he's man enough to not as much as kiss her because hey it's the first date n no that's not the kind of thing a real man does. He does however feel intimidated around an intelligent girl, one who knows her mind and isn't exactly the kind of daughter in law his overbearing mom has in mind for him or better said her family. He naturally expects his wife to not be as qualified as him n earn lesser than him so he could enjoy the status of being the "breadwinner of the family". For these very reasons there are several parents who refuse higher education to their girls. Moreover, this universal indian guy likes a chatty girl but the kind who mostly blabbers nonsense because that makes the girl appear somehow "cute" like "Sanaya" in Student of the Year or "Geet" in Jab we Met or "Khushi" in the soap opera "Iss Pyaar ko Kya Naam Doon". All these women are rather likeable characters coz they are fair ( the indian definition for beautiful!, yes the colonial effect is indeed deep rooted and often seemingly beyond cure!) , loyal, super talkative n not exactly into books or the worldly affairs so to say. They are not just very sensitive as is often a given for every girl in the mind of a guy but are overtly dependent upon their men for their emotional sustenance. It disturbs me to see a growing acceptance and appeal for such characters especially that of Khushi amongst the Indian audiences particularly the housewives who play a pivotal role in catapulting any soap opera to glory, thanks to the lull hours where they turn to TV to kill time before their beloved husbands return from their respective offices.
The truth , unfortunately, is that most of the men that at least I happen to have encountered in my short span of life know very little about responsibility, accountability , character building n principles. Be it as brothers or fathers or sons, they aren't great example setters ( the Indian sons however do show an extreme attachment and sense of duty towards their mothers to a point where we often have a "Son's and Lover's" being rewritten in several households but then there too we see exceptions as is the law of nature) They don't act as men but grown up boys, boys who still yearn for the approval of their mothers, whose ego's are like balloons, one prick n boom it bursts, God knows what they'd do to avenge their bruised pride, boys who are more stubborn than a 5 year old n who consider it rather manly to have random fits of anger wherein they choose to get aggressive with the girl in question be it their girlfriend, wife, sister or mother , this aggressiveness may translate as verbal or physical abuse depending upon how misfortunate the victim in question is , coz hey after all it's all a matter of ta-da ..chance, destiny or being in the wrong place at the wrong time isn't it? And the victim (though they are never looked upon in that way) musn't forget that this is the guys way of showing concern and affection n that she is being restricted ( in whatever way) for her own good because obviously the guy always, and unerringly so knows better don't you think? No one , at least most of the times has balls enough to condemn the brutal act of this ape as a cowardly way of exercising his superiority. On the contrary there are several districts, villages and even towns ( let's not rule out the educated illiterates please) where he who knows how to keep his women under control (be it again as stated earlier a mother , sister, girlfriend, grandmother and so on!) is deemed to be an honorable and wise man. These men can't cook for themselves, at least a majority still can't and are unwilling to help with the domestic chores n refuse outright saying that that's a girl's domain. Which of course reminds me of the clear demarcations they have in their minds about the distinguished roles of a girl and a guy. It does however surprise me to see how every other famous fashion designer, tailor ,cook/chef, hair cutter, Radio Jockey, News Anchor, Actor, Singer - the seemingly girlish domains are copiously dominated by numerous men all across the country!
I have often tried asking myself this question but in vain and so I now turn to you in the hope of getting a reasonable response. Why is there such a huge gap between the freedom we allow to the men vis a vis the freedom we "grant" to the women? Why can men do as they please n why must girls stay within certain boundaries? Does it boil down to the simple fact of a guy's inability to get pregnant that works in his favour n is often in the eyes of his family his alibi to indulge in illicit acts or is there more to it?? Where is the equality we speak of in our constitution?
I hope that at least some men out there feel ashamed by now about the ignorance they reflect in matters such as approaching a girl if they like her , their idea being to just claim that girl by either stalking, chasing, humiliating or at last raping her. I shudder to think the kind of mindsets more n more young Indian boys are being raised with. What exactly has gone wrong with the upbringing? And please don't tell me it's the western influence! If anything I"m grateful for the exposure to the western culture which in turn has helped create a sense of comparison in the minds of zillions of us , thus enabling us to question and override several superstitious beliefs, stigmas and to broaden and enrich our horizons, something that wouldn't have been possible if we were devoid of the knowledge of the lingua franca namely English let alone other disadvantages!
Tell me this prey, how is it that no one pauses to question the upbringing of these boys who are so ruthlessly invoking havoc in the lives of young girls n women be it through means of violence or emotional turmoil? What or who gives them the right to label a girl as sleazy or available just because she is wearing a skirt? Do they ever pause to think how it would feel if something as simple as their freedom to dress up as they wished were to be curtailed if it meant having their security under a threat? What if men were forbidden from smoking or drinking owing to the danger of being labeled characterless? What if they had to think twice before stepping out of the house n be constantly cautious of the time at which they leave n come back home? Do the men of my country have even the tiniest of awareness about how it feels to be stalked or to be letchered at? I know exceptions exist , as is true for any case and society but then what are these people who "understand" doing about it? No, you don't have to march out with hoards of people carrying vindictive slogans, nor must you create an NGO towards this cause or indulge in some other philanthropic act. I don't care if you make any of these grand gestures. But if you, young man, after reading my article become more mindful of your behaviour towards women, curtail yourself from looking upon them as sexual objects, treat not just the women in your family but also the one's you come across in your daily life with more respect, if you raise objection when a women is being exploited n offer support to her, if you show faith in a girl's intelligence n encourage her to study further n to handle the everyday hiccups on her own, if you make a deliberate attempt to not stare piercingly at a girl when she's wearing shorts and don't act shocked or jump to conclusions when you see a woman in a bar or a seemingly male dominated area, then I would consider my purpose of writing this essay to have been served. I thank you and so do my sister's in india and world over.
They say that behind every successful man there's a woman. I say that this time we need you men behind us for this mission of creating gender sensitivity n equality shall fail without your support. We want to be free , to feel like we can really breathe. We reach out to you for help. Could you please cut away these fetters? I feel as if I would choke, we all do. Please hear my plea for help.
P.S. - I have some great guy friends, all Indian :p , so if you're an Indian guy reading this article..I request you to not take offence. You may not belong to this category of men, in which case , great, please continue being an example setter for others :) thank you.
Damn i donno whats wrong with the font, will correct it all later!
