And then one day, the pain became so intense, she knew she had to give it an outlet, she had to adopt some means via which she could flush it out, this slithering serpent that'd often come to hiss at her in a mocking manner, reminding her of all that was done wrong, all that was forgotten but not forgiven, all that was missed, tarnished, ruptured, broken , shattered. The hissing would sometimes make her feel like she would turn deaf. Sometimes she actually moved a step further in that direction of her own accord , she knew she couldn't shriek or shout , so there was just one solution to it, loud music, soulful music, painful music, sad music, intense music, happy music, tragic music ..just music.
"Would I always wander about like an aimless being?" , "Do I know my direction?" , "Do I know what I wish to do with my life?" , "Do I know where I should head for answers?" , "Is there anyone in this huge/wide world out there who could help me? , help relieve my pain a little? " "Is there God out there who understands what I'm going through? , is it truly his wish/intent that I go through this? If not why am I going through it? Have I turned into a sadist?" "What's going on with me?" "What's this intense pain that clings to me ever so often?" She was still looking for answers when suddenly he came into her thoughts. It must have been the music, a saga of two lovers who loved passionately but couldn't unite for destiny hadn't willed so. Did she have a similar fate? No. "I' wish I knew how to love, I wish I could understand love, I wish someone could teach me how to love" , she thought inwardly. It was a desire, a woman's desire, one that is innate to all, the desire to have her curves be read and caressed by another man....and for her, it was him and no matter how hard she tried to push that thought away, it'd come back to tease her , at the most unexpected time. And then out of nowhere "his laughter rang through her ears, that sweet , melodious, fun filled and vivacious laughter of his, full of merriment and ecstasy. She hadn't heard it in a while but she wanted to. That;s not the way he sounded when she finally mustered the courage to call him and speak to him. No , he sounded different , very different. As if not two but ten years had transpired since they last spoke to each other, as if they suddenly belonged to very different worlds or different universes. His voice didnt have the same crispness about it, that slightly barritone voice she enjoyed listening to so much. It had a strange kind of sadness and distance to it. Maybe it was just the way he talked, talked to her.?And why should she expect anything more or better. For all she knew the guy had gone through his share of hardships , ones she was wholly unaware of because she was so wrapped up in her own universe, trying to be her own saviour, struggling to not be seduced by the shadows that dawned over her ever so often.
