The Demon

There's a melody in my heart

That I've been yearning to sing

You've caged me long enough

Now let me spread my wings



I'm sick of your rules

I'm tired of your ways

I know I'll be sent for

I'm just counting my days



How can my fellow brethrens

Not see you for who you are?

How can they mistake your glitter

For the radiance of a star?



Your progeny is blind and deaf

Though they may have eyes and ears

They are fooled by the illusion

Their true voice they cannot hear.



You snatch away from them

All they hold close and dear

You numb their minds

With your silent savage spear.



They are unaware of your presence

They know not you exist

In the chalices of their hearts

You grow like a cyst.



I cannot recall when your

false words captured my soul

And gnawed at it unceasingly

Until I failed to feel whole.



How do I follow your kin?

For they themselves are lost

In having trusted you

They are paying a heavy cost.



I'd rather be called insane

Then be as sane as they are

For then I'd be trampled too

A little blossoming flower.



You've done enough damage

I can take no more

Help must be on its way

I prayed from my core.



Once I was naive

But now I know better

In paving my own way

I shall no longer deter.




Your tyrrany can't lost forever

Your day shall also come

Your game shall be busted

You will be undone.



O step away you beast and look

My mother awaits me

In her comforting presence

I shall learn of my destiny.



She will take me to a land

Where I can just Be.

I shall sing my song there

And set myself Free!

The Sacred Vow

No memory to cherish

Few moments to enjoy

Her life was one

Bereft of Joy.

She was once

Timid and weak

People took advantage

Thought she was weak

Behing her laughter

She hid her sorrow

And ceased to believe

In a better tomorrow

Her dreams and hopes

Were dashed to the ground

To shackles of grief

She forever felt bound.

Once a princess

Nurtured with care

She had little clue

Of what she'll bear

Her pleas of justice

Often went unheard

An innocent lass

Became a caged bird.

Try as she might

She cannot succeed

To forgive him who

made her heart bleed

His words lured her

In him she was deceived

Her path grew rougher

Once she conceived.

He was perhaps

Riveted by her beauty

But soon forgot

All sense of duty.

Of her marriage today

She completes another year

Failing to smile

Her soul sheds a tear.

She's haunted till date

By echoes of past

She can't fathom why

The dice was so cast.

She knows not how

One blow after another

Didn't make her refuse

To walk any further.

Perhaps it was

A touch of Grace

Blessed by him who

Sets things in place.

P.S. - I am not sure how to correct the spacing for this poem. Blogger refuses to cooperate :( Have already tried several times, need to take a break now lol!

The Tantrum

Cherie* Bishkeit* mom said in an altered tone – the one we often employ to talk to pets and kids. Funny thing is one doesn’t even have to make an effort, our speech distorts naturally in the process! She waived the biscuit before Cherie's eyes hoping that at least this attempt would prove successful. Cherie refused to budge. The idea was to entice her and get her to step out from beneath the dining table. That's one spot Cherie often chooses to seek refuge in case she wishes to sleep, or to leisurely eat a treat we may have offered. Also, if she wants to rest - which too often is the case with Labradors - or if she wants to spare being scolded for something she may have done to annoy mom. Apparently, Cherie and Rambo's Corolla virus vaccination was due. Mom couldn't find the time to visit the clinic and thus requested the veterinarian to send over her helpers or assistants. Sometimes convenience matters more than money!

The two fellows who came over were seated patiently on the sofa in the drawing room. At least they were done with Rambo. That, I suppose was the cause of the problem in the first place. It’s a popular joke amongst us all that Rambo in spite of being a male is more delicate than Cherie. The latter is quite rough and tuff! While mom held Rambo from his collar, Sonu- one of the helpers quickly pressed the injection in his posterior. Rambo whimpered but didn’t create any fuss. He’s the obedient one. Cherie saw it all and what else can you expect from a clever dog like her?! She figured that the only way to escape the pain of the needle was to avoid getting within their reach! She growled every time we made an attempt to hold her collar. Getting her to take vaccination seemed impossible! “Ma’am please take this muzzle”, Sonu uttered. He must have remembered how hard Cherie bit him last time when he tried to hold her steady as Dr.Pandey examined her for some ailment. It also explained why he didn’t make any effort to step near Cherie or help mom get a grip on her collar. Heck even my brother was cautious. Can't blame them. At times like these she does get unpredictable , something you normally don't expect from a Labrador!

Mom next brought a piece of chicken from the kitchen, convinced she had touched a weak spot. Her face bore a triumphant look. We don’t feed our pets much non vegetarian food so it usually holds a special attraction for them. Mom flashed the piece right below her nose thinking Cherie would find it hard to resist. But before she could grab it mom pulled the piece back. Cherie now sat upright on the floor, her head held high, her eyes alert, we often call it her royal pose. Her gaze was fixed on the piece, like a laser beam! She took calculated moves toward mom. Grabbing her collar or coat at this time was not possible . She hadn’t stepped away from the table completely. I could tell she was thinking “How can I snatch this piece without falling in their trap” Her face is quite expressive, perhaps it's her eyes. Besides it isn’t black like that of Rambo so it’s easier to read! ( chuckles ut the chicken piece in the center of the room now. We - the mute spectators observed keenly. Cherie did come forward. But before we could hold her collar she rushed back to her refuge. Her reflexes were quicker than ours.

The helpers thought it was a good idea for them to step out of the room. That may fool Cherie into thinking that they were gone. Mom switched off the lights of the room and stepped out too. Nothing happened. We were tired and irritated that mom had to coax Cherie so much. It was like pampering some stupid guy’s ego! I was squatting on the floor to see what she was doing beneath the table. "How about shoving the needle in her butt just like that!'' I said with an air of mischief to my brother. He laughed menacingly. He’s the one who teases Cherie the most and is often inventing silly tricks to do the same. My intention wasn’t to act inhuman. But mom had tried hard and I felt that she must have gotten tired by now. At least I was and I had done little save talking to Cherie two or three times to her in soothing tones! Besides the people from the vet’s clinic couldn’t wait forever. It amazed me to see how stubborn and clever a dog can be for the sake of its own comfort or maybe security. Made me wonder how humans are any different. All except mom stepped back into the room. A loud peal of doorbell caught us by surprise. Cherie rushed out swiftly. It took me a while to realize what had happened. I ran quickly to shut the door of the drawing room and that of the adjacent bedroom. I couldn't help but laugh. At last Mom’s ingenious trick worked! Cherie was finally caught in the trap.

I stepped out in the porch to see how things had taken shape. Mom held Cherie by her collar. Also, Cherie's neck was tucked between her legs ( not a very nice image! ) neck between her legs This was to ensure Cherie doesn't get even with Sonu as he gave her the vaccination. My brother on the other hand held her hind legs firmly. Sonu injected the needle within a matter of minutes. Cherie didn’t make any noise. I suppose owing to her thick coat and the quickness of the operation it didn’t cause her any pain. We heaved a sigh of relief. Everybody was smiling by now.

Mom remarked, “They are my own kids. I know what their habits and weaknesses are”. I think I sensed pride in her voice. For some reason I felt amused. Actually, she was right in a way. Cherie does have a habit of rushing towards the door everytime someone rings the doorbell in a quick succession. I tag such people as “The impatient visitors” ( winks) and many a times my own mom turns out to be one! (chuckles)
Mission Vaccination was finally accomplished.

I did have important work to do, one that didn't justify my observing this spectacle in the first place. But I can't imagine having missed this little dose of drama and excitement! ;)

=================================

Bishkeit - Biscuit

Cherie - Pronounced as Sherry. At the time my sis and I brought Cherie home as a fat, fluffy puppy we were studying French. So when it was time to give her a name, we decided to put our extensive french vocab to use ;) The word means 'dear' in french. Later we learnt that it's an english name too ( Sherry) , so much for the french vocab lol.

Waiting...

I sit here in much pain

Trying to pen my fears but in vain

What if I don't achieve my goal?

The thought stirs my very soul.

What if you're not able to decide

For the spectrum of choices is quite wide

You question if you'd ever know

The direction in which you're supposed to go.

Never thought it'll be so hard

An inch to me seems a yard

mustering strength, guidance I await

But what if... it gets too late?

Detach from the outcome, I tell myself

While hunting for a book through the shelf

One that'll help distract my mind

And take me away from the daily grind.

Is this how a lover feels?

When before his beloved he kneels

How an actor feels during an audition

An athlete during a competition?

It is for a reason all are there

To vouch for the thing they really care

But what if in the end they come to realize

That they never truly desired the prize?

I write therefore I am

Because there are...

Things to be said

Stories to be told

Hearts to be healed

Souls to be comforted

Knowledge to be shared

Lessons to be imparted

Values to be inculcated

Morals to be taught

Inspiration to be given

Joy to be spread

Courage to be applauded

Beauty to be admired

Kindness to be appreciated

Love to be expressed

Compassion to be shown

Paths to be discovered

Journeys to be discussed

Issues to be addressed

Gratitude to be offered

Glory to be found

These were the thoughts that sprung to my mind

When I questioned myself as to why I write

Thanks to a chance remark by a friend

The answer now is crystal clear

I write therefore I am!

Friends

Friends are quiet angels,

Send from heaven above.

They lift us when we fall

They fill our lives with love.

When we at some point in life

Sink in the abyss of sorrow

When its hard to tread ahead

And think of a better tomorrow

They hug us and whisper

Comforting words in our ears

They give us a shoulder to lean on

And wipe away our tears

They nudge us to move on

And give things a try

They’d do silly things to cheer us

For it pains them to see us cry

They are with us

When others aren’t

They say yes you can

When we think we can’t.

They trust us with their life

They know us in and out

They’re always there for us

We know without a doubt!

They take pride in us

Accept us for who we are

They see what we may overlook

Our potential to be a star

Pointless fights, counseling sessions

Stupid jokes, weird pranks

For all this and much more

With all my heart I say thanks

The seed of friendship once sown

Takes time and care to grow

Friends ask for nothing

Love is all you got to show.

Tourists in India

It isn’t unusual to spot a few foreigners in an area like Connaught Place or some five star hotel. Upon seeing them have you ever wondered as to what their impression of our country is? Ever felt like finding out what country they belong to or what their lives are like? I don’t know about you but I’ve been bitten by the curiosity bug upon several occasions. It’s fun to interact with people from different cultures, to hear their side of the story. Also, to learn about their perspectives on life and its different aspects. Though the length of the conversation one conducts with them varies depending upon how much you click with an individual.

It’s interesting to note how to a tourist (one from a different country) you sometimes come to represent everything your country and its people are. It’s as if you were the goodwill ambassador for your state or country. So, it never hurts to ask how their trip is going or if they need help with something. Imagine how that’ll make you feel if you were in the other person’s shoes. I am sure you’d appreciate the concern. Sometimes, just a few cheerful words and a smile can suffice. It can make someone’s day. And it’ll help make the other person feel less like an outsider or to put it more politely – a non native. Besides, you might as well be giving the other person a beautiful memory to cherish ;)

I remember speaking to a sweet Danish lady (too bad I don’t remember her name!) outside Sarvannah Bhawan in C.P. If you ever wish to lunch there better be prepared to wait in a queue. Seems like they are much in demand! It was scorching hot. While other people seemed to be getting somewhat restless, she waited patiently in a corner along with her two kids. She bore a calm expression on her face. I questioned if it didn’t bother her to wait for so long. Her husband as she told me was standing in the queue, waiting to book their table. She said she was willing to wait for she didn’t wish to leave without tasting the South Indian food S.B. had to offer. “I’ve been told it’s really good”, she uttered with an enthusiastic smile. My stomach grunted. I couldn't wait for my own turn now! I was feeling starved.

I then asked her about her travelling experience. Much to my surprise they had been staying in India for around three months. They were to leave the next day. It’s interesting how the paths of different souls coincide. I could have not met her. But I’m glad I did. The kids were quite cute especially her son whom she held close in her arms. He was around four years of age. She told me how tired he was of having his cheeks pulled by just about every person who chanced to speak to them. That was a major reason why he wished to return home soon unlike the girl (7 years) who seemed to be enjoying herself and basked in all the attention.

As regards her experience in India she said “Yes it smells (I guess she was referring to some places in particular) and yes they overcharge us but its great. The people have been very friendly” I was amazed to note how she took it all in a stride. Indians are known to be hospitable. And every time I get a confirmation of this fact, I feel proud of my nation and its citizens. I must confess I wasn’t expecting to hear a very positive feedback after the first few lines . Not because I’m a pessimist but because I'm aware that our country is still developing. The mushrooming population, ill managed traffic, cows grazing garbage instead of grass, littered roads (not all areas though) is something you don’t expect them to be used to.

Sorry to have presented such a grim picture but being a citizen it's my duty to weigh the pros and cons. And yes I know I have highlighted just the cons like some glum critic! If you were the host at a party I'm sure you'd take care that everything from food to furniture was upto the mark. You suddenly behave like a flaw detecting machine much to the amusement of the onlookers! Hope you see the point ( winks). It is however a matter of delight to share that most of the foreigners I’ve spoken to till date (online or in person) are all praises for the Indian culture and its values. I am not always observant and am often engrossed in my own thoughts. However if i do notice a few tourists I just smile silently ( can't always talk to everyone lol) and hope that when they leave , they have a lasting impression of India- a land of heritage imprinted on their mind.

I am a writer

I’ve often wondered how people realize whether or not they have what it takes to be a writer. A good writer.Do they witness a flash of lightning accompanied by a rich masculine voice that declares – ‘Thou Shall Be a Writer?’ Are they “The Chosen One?” - The way Harry is greeted on the dawn of his birthday by a giant only to be told that he’s a wizard!

Have you ever felt confused to the point of crying yourself to sleep? That's what this constant dilemma of whether or not I could write did to me at times. I asked the wrong questions.Instead of seeking inspiration from the cream ie the seasoned writers I compared myself with them. Consequently I ended up sabotaging myself though unknowingly. Even the best of writers have doubted themselves at some point or the other. But that didn’t stop them from honing their craft. I forgot that. Not everyone’s born a Mozart. But anyone can be a Lincoln or Shaw provided he’s willing to persist and follow his heart’s desire. It's funny how we sometimes forget how hard a person must have toiled to reach the pinnacle of success. He didn't just get lucky!

I sat on my bedroom floor with a newly purchased textbook in my hands. The words made little sense to me. All I could do was to flip through the book, admire the pictures and smell the pages. How I love the scent of new books and the feel of glossed pages! When will I learn to read mom? I asked feeling disappointed. I was 6 then. English isn’t my native language nevertheless it fascinated me. That should have told me something! I wrote my first poem at 7 and more at the ages of 12, 15, 17 and 19 but those were just random spurts and not many in number. I didn’t write regularly. My perfectionist attitude became my bane.

I gave myself several alibis to not write. Stephen King began writing as a kid , so did Ray Bradbury.I’ve never written much of anything. You have to start early in life otherwise it just means you never desired enough to be a writer. Ehem Joseph Conrad began writing at 40. There are some who began as late as 60. I thought you need the approval of others to gauge your ability. But what’s the point if your own approval is missing!

Writer – the word made me skip a beat. I often found myself reading the biographies of top writers, admiring them more than the in-demand celebrities. I was always filled with a sense of reverence for them, and comraderie for those who aspired to take up the craft. It took me a while to understand why. Journaling filled me with a sense of relief. But there’s a difference in weaving stories and venting out feelings I’d think. At 16 I began to look for a medium via which I could touch lives. Until a long time I questioned my calling when it was right under my nose!

And then came the epiphany. I turned 21 a few months back. I realized I was scared to write.I think I’ve always known that I have a writer’s soul. I just kept denying it. Perhaps that's what fear of failure does to us - it paralyses us. I shuddered to think how a few years down the line , I may regret that I didn’t give myself a chance. Besides, not using a talent is equivalent to being ungrateful for it. A month after my birthday , I got myself enrolled in a writing diploma. “It’s high time I get into some action”, I thought. Besides how would I ever know the answer if I don't even try!

And now I have decided to write not for appreciation or approval but for the joy it brings to me, for the high you get from breathing life into words.

Jimmy Choo

Every successful person has a story, one that tells of their journey from being a nobody to somebody. Such tales intrigue me. It always helps to learn about success from a person who has been there done that. As the saying goes, “If you wish to be the best you got to learn from the best". Not just that such people always have a few pearls of wisdom to offer, some interesting experiences to share. It is in quest of such a story and experience that I attended the seminar of 'Jimmy Choo'- an internationally renowned U.K. shoe designer at British Council on September 3rd '09. I have heard about several branches of design such as fashion, textile, jewellery etc but I must confess that shoe designing was something unheard of for me. Gosh, talk about opportunities!

The credit for this opportunity goes to my sister. She's the one into fashion after all. Besides, the passes were limited! The talk was scheduled for 2 pm. It was facilitated by Edwise on behalf of The University of Arts, London. We reached an hour early. Much to my delight we got to sit in the second row! The first seat was reserved for press and staff members. The topic of the talk was "Life and Inspiration" - good enough to tempt any learning enthusiast! Isn’t it? ;) There was a delay of 45 minutes. Maybe that's the way it is with VIPs’ ?!? Meanwhile the auditorium was almost full. Students were busy chit chatting for lack of anything better to do. When you have an air-conditioned auditorium in a scorching weather , right ambiance, comfortable seats and someone as interesting as your sister and a friend from UK to talk to , you don't realize how time passes!

A representative announced that Jimmy would be there soon (i.e. he was late!) and our patience was requested for. Some of the students , I observed were busy eyeing each other curiously, perhaps figuring which fashion student based on their dressing sense really looked like one! Ha-ha I'm sure that tells you that I was doing the same ;) The much awaited moment finally arrived. Dressed for the occasion, sporting a warm smile, Jimmy stepped confidently on the stage.. I'm not sure how to describe the colour of his suit. The black he wore seemed deeper and better than any black outfit I've seen so far! Colin Caraghan, Deputy Director of The University of Arts accompanied him.

Charlie walker the director of programs at BCL welcomed them. Students did the same with a thunderous applaud. The atmosphere buzzed with excitement! This, Charlie mentioned, was Jimmy’s first visit to India. He had recently gone to China on a similar tour. Thanks to proper lighting and location of our seat, Jimmy’s features were clearly visible. He had an air of of serenity about him. And his eyes seemed to reflect wisdom and depth. He began the talk with his life story just as I had expected. Having belonged to a family of shoe makers he learnt the craft at an early age. He knew how to make a shoe but not how to design it. To learn the same he decided to study in London. He couldn't think of Italy or Paris for the languages weren't known to him. English he thought he could manage somehow.

He approached the principal of Cordwainers College, better known as London College of Fashion today. He was scared to get rejected for lack of required qualification. The principal asked for a shoe specimen which upon being produced marked a new chapter in Jimmy's life. The former realized that the lad had talent. Needless to say Jimmy got the admission. His father was encouraging but he couldn't afford to pay for anything else except the fee. Jimmy was elated. An opportunity like this was all that mattered to him. Two fifty Euros for a year he stated was a big amount at that time. Young Jimmy chose to count his blessings, something I’m sure he does till date.


He then shared how his teacher once laughed at his sketches in front of the entire class. Humiliation prompted him to to practice harder. On another occasion a teacher refused him entry in the classroom. “But I’ve paid the fee like any other student”, he fumed silently. The teacher’s motive he later learnt was to impart the lesson of punctuality to him. He also explained Jimmy how it distracted him if students entered late in the class. Jimmy took the lesson to heart. He told us how if he were to reach somewhere at 8 for work, he’d be there at 7! Also, how he started work in a rented hospital room for lack of sufficient funds. The sales were bleak so he decided to survey the local markets. He instantly reduced the rate of his sandals in the hope of getting some clients. Some earning was better than nothing

In a while, two ladies approached him. The number of sandals they needed were few so no factory would take up the job. Jimmy consented to produce the requisite number of pieces for them. He later learnt that they were designers who never gave him the due credit for his work. At a later stage he was approached by two more ladies. They were designers too. They couldn’t pay him much but they said they could make him famous. This was a great chance to prove his caliber. He worked hard to create some beautiful pieces. The women did fulfill their promise. He saw his name in print – next to theirs. “Designers have to work harder than a service man”, he remarked in a serious tone, “sometimes 16 hours a day”. “And there are nights you don’t get to sleep”, he added in a nonchalant tone.

For Jimmy, the best was yet to come. Thanks to all the publicity , he piqued the curiosity of the editor of Vogue. Jimmy received an unexpected 8 page coverage. “I had always wanted to see my name in print”, he stated, his face alight by now.“Eight is a lucky number in Chinese culture”, he added . The coverage acted as a catalyst in catapulting him to fame. For a long time no one was aware that he helped grace the feet of Princess Diana for seven years. I could sense reverence and gratitude in his voice as he spoke of her. Gradually, he became “The Jimmy Choo” we know today. Success only seems to have made him more humble.
It’s interesting to note how often he maintained eye contact with me and my sister as if we were his pupils! People in the back rows must have wondered if I had a spring attached in my neck. I nodded so often looking straight at him in the eye!
He then shared some life lessons with us.
*Always remember those who help you.
* Always respect your teachers, parents and clients.
* Never get angry. Try to stay calm always.
* Go for what you love not what you think would make you famous.
(He said so twice for emphasis sake. I couldn’t have agreed more.)
* Believe in yourself

Next we were permitted to ask him questions if we wished to. I was the first one to
ask. “You mentioned how your father taught you shoe making. There comes a point of time in our life when we ask our self ‘What should I do with my life?’ Was there ever a situation in your life that made you realize that yes this is exactly what I’d like to do in my life. Or did you just go for shoe designing because it was a family business. And son’s in many families even in India are expected to join the family business or follow their father’s footsteps”. “My father made me learn by observation” he reflected. He then explained that though initially he was forced to learn the craft, gradually he got so interested that he decided to pursue it as a profession. “I wanted to make my father proud”, he uttered.

In response to my sister’s question which was “ How he thought fashion helped him touch lives”, he stated ( though not in the same words) that sincere work always affects lives positively. “Do you design your own shoes?” another student asked. “Yes I do”. He flashed a smile. There was a twinkle in his eye now. ‘And if need be I’d be happy to design high heeled shoes for Indian men! There was uproar of laughter. Perhaps he was conscious of his own height! A bespectacled press person seated in the right row questioned about his Hollywood Clientele. Many students laughed at that question. It seemed quite shallow in contrast to the questions previously asked. Apparently he just wanted some juicy gossip. He asked for the mike again. “Tell us about your Bollywood clients”.

Interestingly the girl ( another press member) seated behind him asked the same question again. I could sense irritation surging within me and much to my amusement probably within a few other students too. We were there to learn about his experiences not if he was associated with the glamour world. Knowing the latter wouldn’t have served us in anyway! Much to their dismay Jimmy didn’t pounce upon this opportunity to brag. In fact he hardly took any name but one – Lakshmi Mittal. Had these people cared to do some pre-interview research, they would have easily found the answer over here -> http://www.yuddy.com/celebrity/jimmy-choo/bio
With 2 more questions from the audience and some by Colin, the talk came to an end.


Jimmy agreed to sign some post cards that the students were handed prior to entering the auditorium. We were asked to make a queue near the stairs leading to the stage. A table was placed in the centre of the stage next to a chair for his convenience. “I luuuuv your shoes”, a girl drooled on the stage while taking his autograph, she placed her hands on her chest momentarily maybe to add a good dramatic effect! ;) Two girls standing next to me giggled amongst themselves. “Jhoothi” one said to the other while eyeing the girl standing on the stage. I couldn’t help but feel amused. My sister and I stepped together on the stage. When he was signing my card I said, “You know I’ve always believed that to be successful in life you need to have a good value system and today you validated that for me. Thank you”. “Thanks for coming”, he uttered with a smile. I stepped off the stage feeling assured that a few years down the line I shall meet him again. However, I would have become something by then and I’d have my own success story to relate to the people!


His tone was polite, his words encouraging and his disposition- pleasant and humble. He seemed like a man in control of his senses and thought process. I surmise his religion Buddhism and a strong value system was the reason for that. Who wouldn’t want to bathe in the presence of such a person? Though in addition to those a strong character , I realized is a pre-requisite else it becomes difficult to stomach success and fame as if often the case with certain rising celebrities. Also that makes success not a journey but a temporary or short lived junction.

The Sign

When in a state of confusion do you ever ask for signs or omens? Well I certainly do ever since I read The Alchemist! In the past I’ve read a few books on writing. Every author advised that to be a writer you must write. I however was under the impression that if you have an iota of talent for the craft you’d sail smoothly anyway. And that you write only when inspiration strikes. But I gradually realized how false that notion was. It isn’t like someone would come to you and say “Your face looks like that of a talented writer, I’d be happy to sign a contract with you”. And the next thing you notice, you put your hands on the keyboard and words begin to flow like a beautiful symphony! Talent and tenacity go hand in hand.

Yesterday night I tossed and twirled in the bed feeling irritated and confused. I had just written a 500 word article and felt thoroughly unsatisfied with it. No words or ideas came to mind. Resolved to reach my target (500 words) I produced a stilted piece! As I lay in bed my mind began to wonder. “Could it be that I’m aspiring for the wrong profession?”, “I don’t always enjoy writing unlike other writers”,” Maybe I’m wrong in attempting to write daily?” “You’re just tired”, said my sister. “Perhaps you need a break from writing” Wearied of the pointless analysis I asked God to give me a sign and went off to sleep.

I signed in today. There were several mails to check. I instinctively clicked the one that read “WritingKid”. It's an e-zine I've subscribed to. The title of the article in this edition made me gasp. “To write or not to write”. Needless to say it voiced out my dilemma. Upon reading it, I realized a few things:
*All writer’s go through a “No idea” phase
* I was thinking heart of the hearts that “It’s too hard”. Wrong approach!
* I was right in thinking that it calls for perseverance and discipline. You can’t let your feelings decide whether or not to write. It is on the hard days that your dedication is actually put to test! I was grateful for the validation.

I felt like God was speaking to me through these words:
"You can't say, I won't write today because that excuse
will extend into several days, then several months,
then... you are not a writer anymore, just someone who dreams
about being a writer." ~Dorothy C. Fontana
The answer-My sign- was given to me. To listen or not to listen … was up to me. I chose to listen!

If like me you ever find yourself doubting your potential or feel low about something in general try asking for a sign. It's advisable to not set a time limit. The answer may or may not come immediately. Just ask and let go. Be patient and anticipate your sign with eagerness. It shall be provided to you. That’s the way it has been with me! It could be a song, movie, conversation, billboard sign etc. God/Universe is more creative than we can imagine! After all , aren’t we God’s creations too?;) As is true for life so is true for writing – ultimately we must have ‘faith in the process’.

No one

No one to listen to your heart

No one to encourage when you start

Things that you aren't confident about

Tasks that cloud your mind with doubt

No one to know what you really feel

No one to say words that heal

a heart that's writhing with pain and fear

Wondering when the clouds shall clear

No one to help you achieve your goal

No one to really cheer your soul

When you think you are lost and tired

When things don't go as desired

No one to hold you close and dear

No one to wipe away that tear

That gently trickles down your eye

Making you softly whisper Why?

No one to walk by your side

No one to hold your hand and guide

you across the twists and turns

That fate for you so often spurns.

No one to say all will be well

No one to tell you not to dwell

On things that torment your mind

Escape being difficult to find.

No one to show a ray of hope

No one to aid when you grope

For a little clue to help decide

Life or death with which to side?

A rule broken , a friend made

It was 2:57 am. I was still on a call. "Don't forget to put yourself on ACW when its one minute to 3" ,said a TL* . My shift began in the evening. It was to end at 3 am. Once you put yourself on ACW, you don't get any calls. I never knew how it worked, nor did I try to figure out. My love for technology being a major reason ;) Usually I coudn't rush any call even if it meant getting late for my cab. With time of course I learnt how to tackle that, how to say more in less words. Also, to put an end to a conversation after a certain time no matter how interesting it was! ( sighs) It'll be wrong to say I never rushed a call but only rarely and for genuine reasons. I would make it a point to help every card member the way I'd expect to be helped or treated if I were to call some company's call center. And this was American Express. I tried my best to live upto its reputation. With God's grace my efforts almost always paid off. There were a few bumps along the road but those are essential, else how would one learn or grow?

I managed to finish the call by 2:59am. Ah! one minute left!! I bent towards the Avia* to put myself on ACW. Oh-oh got a bit late. Another call. "Shoots, how would I catch the cab now?" was my frantic thought. Anyways , it was immediately put behind. I was now concerned with addressing the concern of the cardmember who must have waited patiently while the VR" connected him to a rep."You never know, you may still manage to finish the call in time" my motivational coach aka inner guide said to me. The cabs waited until 15 mins before departure. . There usually were not many people left on the floor by this time. Most of them would have left. I had just two team mates working along with me. They were to leave in an hour or two. I took the call in my usual cheerful tone. "Thank you for choosing American Express. My name is M. How may I make your day better?" ( haha yeah that's the line I chose instead of the mundane how may I help you..it sounds so robotic!- not that mine was utra unique!!) In case you wondered how could I be cheerful in such a situation? I have a simple explanation for that. It wasn't his fault that I was getting late. He deserved all the help he called up for. Besides, there's something such as being sincere to your job.

The card member I noticed had an interesting surname, one I had never heard before . He had a couple of concerns on his business card - confirmation of the due date, locating a few unexpected charges from different months, disputing about four of those charges from two different vendors. And me being me made it a point to make detailed dispute notes (inspite of the fact that I was getting late) just to ensure that the member gets his money back. I of course don't remember the dispute case now. But I think it was related to an amusement park he had visited. There was some problem with the tickets. Also,the member had almost put his life in jeopardy by mistakingly getting close to a crocodile or two. Too bad I dont' remember the complete story. I just hope I haven't mixed up any facts! It's a two year old tale that I'm sharing with you. I remember how I instantly had weird images of a muddy crocodile trying to grab the poor fellow's leg popping up in my mind. I am a visual person lol so I coudn't help it! A major reason why I don't watch horror movies. The nasty images keep flashing in my mind ( chuckles)

Since I was busy working on his account, I tried filling the long pauses with some casual conversation. Build rapport with the member. Never have a long pause. We were taught so during our training but its something that came naturally to me. I have always been a rambler! ;) An hour and a half had already passed. I had taken care of the issues he was facing with his business cards. There were two I suppose. I no longer worried about taking a cab. I knew the call may take a bit more time than usual. My computer for some weird reason got stuck around two times ( something that didn't normally happen). So, the process of restarting it ate a bit of time too. Besides, he seemed like a pleasant person to talk to. So I was glad I could help him. It turned out that he had some problems with his personal card as well. Not sure how many of those cards there were. My process was responsible for handling business cards. If the member asked for help regarding a personal card, we - as a rule - were supposed to transfer him to the Personal Card Department. Exceptions could be made. I think this rule was there for efficiency sake. The average call handlig time as far as I remember was 8 minutes. As you can see I was clearly way past it!! In fact I usually was!But thanks to my performance my TL never seemed to have much qualms about it!

When I explained the rule to him, he seemed hesitant about talking to a differnt representative. I felt like he wanted me to help him though he didn't clearly voice it out. I, having sensed it decided to do so anyway - to hell with time, I had already stretched long enough , doing so for another few minutes won't kill me! Once again I understood his concerns and began to work on his personal card. Meanwhile, he asked where I was located. He seemed quite surprised to hear that I was an Indian , either because of my accent or the fluency. He then enquired a thing or two about the BPO's. In response to one of the questions I told him that I was doing an evening shift. He then wished to know what time it was in India. Oh-oh..the question made me uncomfortable. Of course, there's nothing wrong with asking time, but he already knew my shift timings. What I didn't want him to know was that I had stretched beyond my usual timings to help him. I don't like making it obvious to the other person that I'm helping him/her. For then the entire purpose of helping someone is defeated. Also, I find it somewhat egoistical.

I tried to skip the question. It's funny but I thought he'd not figure it out. The very next moment, much to my surprise , he came up with the exact time. The guy was into computers - technical stuff , what was I thinking! It was past four. Not sure why but I found it amusing. . The next question was pertaining to my stay in the office until dawn.He instantly realized what was happening. I had no option but to explain. He seemed quite thankful. His next question gave me a good laugh. "How do you manage to stay so energetic at this late hour?". Many people have asked me this question and usually I'm at a loss of words. "I take energy tonics", I replied. He took the joke in a good stride. By now I was done with the work on all cards. I gave him a quick recap and explained when he'd get the amex* charges credited back. He had a pretty good account history. So as a courtesy gesture and to express my appreciation as a rep for the same , I waived off a past due and finance charge. We had built a pretty good rapport by now. He asked me for my email address. I wasn't sure what to do. It's a rule to not share your personal email with the members. All you can give is your supervisor's email address. But for some weird reason my instincts told me otherwise. I am the kind of person who'd follow her gut feel even if doing so initially seems bizzare or doesn't make any sense. That's because in the end it always does! Our inner guide never let's us down. It surely takes practice though and faith. A call that long wouldn't be audited, I thought. I hesitated for a while. Not because I doubted him but because I wasn't sure if it'll be the right thing to do. In the end I decided to take a chance.

It was a few minutes past five by now. So my only option was to take the next hours cab ( 6am) I felt glad that I had helped someone, and perhaps made someone's day. I didn't feel tired or sleepy. While in the cab I had a short nap. His parting words were somewhat like " It'll be nice to talk to you sometime" I didn't pay much attention to it because I wasn't sure if that was possible. I have a habit of checking mails once I returned from the office. It relaxed me and gave me something to do before I went off to bed. Much to my surprise I saw a mail in my inbox with the caption "Hey". It was from him. I couldn't help but smile once I read the content. It went something like this.." It was a real pleasure talking talking to you today. You had me comfortable and intrigued right from the start, and I was very impressed with your grasp of a foreign language and a perfect understanding of my issues and concerns. You have a good head on your shoulders and I was even more impressed with your level of energy in the middle of a work week at 4 am local time!" I felt delighted upon reading those words. I replied instantly to the mail. It was 27th September 2007. The chain of mails continues till date. Much to my surprise, I've exchanged more emails with him then any other friend so far. Though I wouldn't mind breaking the record for that'll mean I've forged yet another beautiful bond. On account of this incident, I came to trust my intuition all the more. This experience taught me that the Universe/God pays you back in its own interesting ways if you set out to do something with a clear or pure intent. My intention in this case was to do my job sincerely and to help a person in the best way possible. I didn't expect to find a wonderful friend but am really glad I did! Someone has rightly said, when it comes to life , the unexpected always happens! Thanks for being there Alex, for being my friend!! (smiles)
___________________________________
TL-Team Leader
Avia - The instrument used in call centers for operating calls.
Amex - short cut used for American Express by its employees.
Rep- Representative.

* Originally written on 11 th Aug.

Friendship Day

It's funny but I didn't get to know until Aug 6th that Aug 2nd was "Friendship Day!". My cell was switched off for two reasons a) battery trouble , b) I often go through "I'm sick of cell phone" phase!! ;) Thanks to my friend for having called me. She thought I was angry with her ( we couldn't speak for more than a month, she'd been busy ) and hence didn't wish her. Lol, how was I to wish when I was lost in my own world, away from T.V, cell phone and newspaper. ( I don't have much of a liking for either one of them!) Had it not been for her the idea to write something on this topic may not have struck me. ;p

Sometimes I wonder if it makes sense to come up with days like Mother's Day, Father's Day, Friendship Day etc. It occurred to me then that these can indeed be wonderful opportunities to show your loved one's how much you care for them, or how much they mean to you. But if you aren’t able to do so, it doesn't mean you love them any less. In case the other person does get upset for the same it could indicate two things -:

a) Perhaps the relation is fragile ( maybe because you don't really know each other)

b) The person loves you and was pretty sure you'd express your feelings through a sweet gesture ( be it any relationship) We are often taught how expectations become the bane of a relation but the thing is we can’t expect things from strangers!! ;p

So, what is Friendship Day all about? Celebrating old bonds, forging new one's, remembering chance encounters that left a deep impact, regretting the one's that could never blossom fully or being grateful for all of them - even the acquaintances you've made over a period of time ? Umm...Perhaps all? :) Well, that's exactly what I'd like to do this month. In the past few years I've had the pleasure of meeting some rather interesting people. No, I'm not friends with all of them. I'm not in touch with all. But I'm sure they all taught me something. For that I feel blessed and grateful. So, I'd see if can put to paper or computer in this case :p some beautiful memories stored somewhere in the corners of my mind! I'll have to go hunting for them first and shall then put up them up in my upcoming posts as and when the mood strikes.

A friend once said to me “Some friends are for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime". Read that carefully, you'll see it's true for everyone. Whenever we start a friendship we feel "Hey we'd be friends forever" Alas! That isn't always true, but it isn't false either. It depends on time, situation, circumstances and speaking from a metaphysical viewpoint - on the lessons you've decided to learn with a soul.

Sometimes we are afraid of committing to a friendship. We feel insecure. "Hey, I lost some good friends in the past, so what's the point in making new friends? I’d lose them too!" If not that we sometimes find our self regretting the commitment we made in the first place - "If it wasn't meant forever, if it had to come to an end, why did we become friends in the first place?" The sad fact is that in the process of complaining about what was and moaning over what could have been, we forget to be grateful for the time we did spend with someone, the memories we did share together. Why not cherish those and the friends we do have? So, what would you choose? To complain/ regret/moan?, or to celebrate/cherish? I've categorized the feelings into two sets so you understand my point better. While the first set symbolizes a destructive attitude, the second indicates a constructive attitude. I'd go with the latter any time!! And also, I'd never stop in my quest to find wonderful friends in life regardless of the disappointments I may encounter off and on. :)

A few days back I read a dilemma voiced out by a girl on a website I had recently joined. " I never understand where an acquaintance ends and a friendship begins", she remarked. "Don't I feel confused about the same thing at times?", I thought. I pondered over her question. I must admit that not just that, sometimes I'm even surprised by the casualness with which people use the term friendship. Can we truly categorize just every person we find our self chit chatting with once in a while as a friend? Even when we hardly discuss any portion of our personal lives with him? Even when we've never shared any of our dreams, hopes, fantasies, aspirations with that person? Think over it, is everyone you end up calling a friend really a friend?

Wouldn't you agree that there's a difference in being friends and being friendly? You may be a friendly person by nature but at the same time, choosy about your friends. Let's see how Oxford defines a "Friend" - 1) "A person you know well and like, and who is not usually a member of your family". 2) "A person who has the same interests and opinions as yourself and who will help and support you". Now, you may like people in general or be helpful or kind but that doesn't necessarily mean that you know them. Also, not everyone supports our ideas, dreams etc nor do we expect them too. You see, friendship isn't called a special bond for nothing! ;)

Generally we find ourselves liking people we have something in common with. It could be interests, ideas, likes/dislikes, values or dreams. For e.g. - if you're a soccer lover you'd naturally be curious to talk to a person who either plays the game or is equally passionate about it. If you are a keen learner you'd like it more when you're around inquisitive or knowledgeable people. It's easy for us to gel with people we can relate to. Like attracts like. At least in this case! ;)
On this note, I’d leave you with you with a video that sums up friendship beautifully. I am sure it’ll touch your heart, just the way it touched mine! Also, it’ll make up for anything I may have left unexpressed. ;)

I’d like to dedicate it to everyone who has ever been a part of my life, has either been a friend, supporter, great acquaintance or an honest critic. And of course to the friends I now have!! Happy Friendship Day to all of you!! Thanks for being there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7X7d7Ul6PmI]

P.S. - It's an article I wrote for all my friends on 11th Aug. Enjoy! ;)